I am the type of person/student that doesn't really let things get to a point where they are major stresses in my life. I have always been a student that worked hard but didn't make myself sick staying up late studying or anything extreme like that. I'd like to believe that this semester I am really pushing myself, still unsure with what I want to do when i graduate, i am still have an undeclared major, but because of this i am focusing on different areas of study and figuring out what i like, what I'm good at and what i do not like! history....i do not like. and have no brain capacity for memorizing presidents, capitols, years of wars and battles and all of that. not that i think that that area of study is important! I really do! but i will leave it to history majors, such as Caitlin, to teach the next generation of students about Columbus & Washington.
anyway... this semester i am taking a basic psych class, spanish, math, social work and a higher level religious studies class. I feel behind in all my classes except my religious studies class...but i dont really give myself credit for that because most people think Dr. Schweig's classes are jokes. I on the other hand take it pretty seriously, taking copious notes and laughing at his really not so funny jokes. I enjoy the man, and i respect him for all his education that he has received! He is brilliant! really he is! Do you know anyone that has translated the Bhagavad Gita from the Sanscrit to English... all the while not having a high school degree....somehow he continued on and graduated from Harvard! Don't ask me how....you just have to meet the man.
Well anyway...the reason for my post today .... I literally made myself cry from the frustration i had with myself....Wednesday mornings consist of 7:30 wake up 8:00 Psych then 9:00am Spanish .... today was raining, dark and just gross out....usually i put on a smile and get through the unpleasant weather but today i decided not to... complaining to myself the whole time walking to class.... avoiding the various puddles around my campus....which may i say is BEAUTIFUL! I probably attend one of the top most beautifully built schools in Virginia! I love it here....anyway i walk into pysch and retrieve my test scantron from last week....uhhhh not too good, well not good at all...and behind that scantron is my first tests scantron from a few weeks earlier ....not very impressive either. Dr. Doolittle ...yes Dr Doolittle is her name :) the sweet woman that she is writes on my newer test ... Good improvement! Keep working hard! this 2nd test only being 12 pts higher then my last test.... what a babe...that at least made me smile! thanks for that Dr. Doolittle ....I sit down at my desk and begin rushing through my workbook pages that are due in Spanish in 50 minutes....well now 47 minutes. Yo, Tu, Ellos, Ellas, Nosotros .... i dont know what im even writing !!! oh yeah....and I have a test.... cool. I haven't turned in my composition that was due before spring break....i am severely unprepared for my ch 10& 11 test that i will be taking in....now 45 minutes....i have a gigantic pile of color coded index cards complete that i didn't even look over twice, yet i don't have the study guide done, the culture info that is worth 15 pts extra on the test...and i didn't do the review sections on the supersite website. what a bad bad bad feeling.... i take a gulp of water and let my throat become quickly dry ....feel my eyes start to tear...and i just let it go! i really haven't cried about anything in months! probably since last august when i left for school in the first place... i walk out of class, sure that nobody sees me and run into the bathroom and just let it out .... crying in my hands, my mascara that i never took off from last night now all over my finger tips... ugh. ugh!!!! i hate this! i think to myself....not the work but just the feeling of being so behind, so annoyed and just so....yes stressed! there i admit it! I am stressed !!! katie gargiulo is stressed out ! .....
i must say....it did feel good to cry, although didn't help the situation at all...did feel good to just submit to my stress and move on.... went back to class studied what i could of the preterite pronouns and irregular verbs and blah blah blah.... walked across campus, up to the 3rd floor via elevator....not the stairs mind you - to senora Molin-Martin's office and just plopped myself on her chair! "senora! I don't want to take this!" pathetic....yup. i know, so pathetic.... she laughs and in her very broken english looks at me and says..."is ohhkay. dew you'rrre bessss en twodhey wheel jus be practicar. buen?" buen... i say, hug her and go down to class....via elevator... stop mid-way on the 1st floor, get myself a diet mt. dew and sit myself in my seat. get out the work i have done and just take a deep breath .... i feel i don't deserve to send a prayer up because i have no where near done my part to do well on this .... ugh! fail....again. so much for being optomisic, always smiling katie!
i do what i can....leave a lot blank, color in the people on the pages clothes with different designs to stall a bit of time then am the first to turn in the test....hahaha everyone things i just aced it....i let them continue to think that.... i walk out of mcmurran...across the newly paved sidewalk that overlaps the basketball court....walk along the outside of the1st floor of JR where rachel lives... flash my JR resident sticker card thing to the RA...take the elevator...open the door of 240 "good morning" to abby and caitlin.... drop my backpack, kick off my sperrys, shut my door, set my phone alarm to 11:50 and get under my covers ....sweater, jeans, socks, contacts and all .... i don't care. im going back to sleep.....
"sweet like candy to my soul, sweet you rock and sweet you roll, lost for you, i'm so lost for you ......" my always nice to hear dave matthews ring tone alarm goes off ....i open one eye and take a deep breath, slowly get out of bed, put a stick of gum in my mouth, spray myself with the kelly lane, Burberry, put my shoes on and im out the door..."let's try this again!" i think to myself....
it's clearer out...warmer out... and not as wet. I'm happy i have to squint my eyes...yay sun! i love the sun! it's amazing how the sunshine can change your mood! I'm off to the housing office....12-5:00
lets be happy for the rest of today....
